So I was sitting here on the couch with Liam today, and found myself tearing up just looking at him. I am not sure if it is hormones, on makes me tear up like nothing else. The little man makes me tear up like nothing else. He is the light of my life, and he brings me pure joy each and every day.
Liam and I have gotten into a routine where we get up for our morning feeding and diaper change, then go back to sleep, usually together. He either cuddles up to me in bed, or I come out to the couch and lay him on my chest for some kangaroo care. We are able to enjoy this for about 1-2 hours before the next feeding, and THEN...it's time for our "smiley time!" This is when Liam sits up on my legs or lap, and goes into his "coo" and smile mode. He will go on like this for a matter of minutes, and because I know it is short-lived at this age, I eat it up with a spoon! Liam's little voice is so sweet and soft, it tickles all of my insides. I honestly don't think there is anything else more sweet than your baby coo'ing at you. There are times when I look at him, and I am just in awe that I made this little creature. I am sure with every ounce in my body that there is anything greater that I could do, than to create life. Liam is the creation of Winston and I, and I think that we did such a super job! I know that I am biased, but he is such a blessing, and is so adorable, that I couldn't help but be proud. I see him grow and develop each day, and it just amazes me how all of this works...how his sperm and my egg meet, fertilize, cells split, then split more, then next thing you know, there's an embryo with a heart beat! Then, the heartbeat grows stronger, bones start to grow, nerves begin to develop, etc. I still look at him each day and sit in tears thinking that I created him!
Each day, when I look into Liam's eyes, I see him looking back. And that is what moves me. It's not that he just happens to be scanning the room and poof(!) there I am...it's that I see him looking into my eyes. He scans my face, my eyes, my expression... And to see him realize WHO I am, and to see him understand that I am important to him, is just priceless. It is in those moments of changing his diaper, breastfeeding him, and rocking him to sleep that I just melt into his big blue eyes.
I know I am not the first one to have this feeling, nor the last. I know that I am just like many other mothers out there who love and cherish their moments with their little ones like me, but I can't hold in the love and admiration that I have for him. There are days that I feel that I am going to burst outwards with love for him. And there are moments in the day that I want to hide in the other room for just a matter of 5 minutes to re-invograte my sense of self...but then all it takes is a smile, a coo, a giggle, or just him study my face, that I just crumple. This is my love for Liam. He runs my day, he runs my nights. He controls when I feed him, when I change him, and when I sleep. He determines how I schedule my afternoon out, and also determines when I can get up and do the things I want. But I would not take anything back...I would not change a thing.
Liam is currently swaddled up and sleeping in the other room, and I miss him. Every night, I tell Winston that I miss Liam when he is sleeping, which is the truth. He just looks so peaceful, calm, serene...so perfect. But I need to jump off of here so I can wrap a few things off before I head to bed so I can get up early to watch the Royal Wedding! I am ready to get up at 4am to see Kate "wake up a commoner, and go to bed a Princess!" I am so excited! Winston thinks I am a total nut...but oh well...it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing! Off I go! Cheerio!
Jess
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Easter 2011
This past weekend was spent with my immediate family in Lexington, KY at my older sister Amber's house. It seems we all flocked there, spontanously, from 3 different states: Kentucky, Ohio, and Kansas. Although there were not any previous arrangements to enjoy our Easter holiday together, my family somehow made it happen! My little sister Lauren, her son Henry, and her husband Kevin, drove down from Akron, OH and met at my apartment in Northern Kentucky before we all went down together to Lexington. My husband Winston was unable to join us due to his unfortunate work schedule at a retail grocery store, but Liam and I went nonetheless. My parents made the long drive in from Kansas so they could be there to celebrate the holiday weekend as well. We all had such a fun time being with each other! The last time that we were all together in the same room, was when Liam was born, which was a month ago. Even then, the time was short-lived, as everyone had to return to work.
So we all gathered in Amber and Ben's house and did what we did best: relaxed! We were fortunate enough to have favorably warm weather, which allowed the windows to be open, and the back door to the fenced-in backyard to be open for the three dogs that shared the same space as us. It was so great to smell the spring breeze flow in from the outside blooming trees. On Friday night, we ordered pizza and enjoyed it on the couch, which was wonderful. And on Saturday, we grilled out sausages and peppers, nibbled on corn on the cob, munched on tomato and mozzarella salad, scarfed down hasbrown casserole, and endlessly ate deviled eggs. It was such a light, healthy, scrumptous meal! We had many hands helping make it a yummy meal!
The baby boys were well behaved and I think they secretly love being together! They were so ridiculously spoiled by their grandparents and auntie and uncle...I came home with an over-flowing bag of goodies! My mother made little easter baskets for myselft, Winston, and Liam, she got Liam a puppet-book, and and easter outfit. Amber bought the boys an outfit and a bible, and Ben bought the boys their first set of plastic golf clubs! Then I came home to a huge "Grandbunny" chocolate easter bunny that Winston got me in addition to another chocolate bunny and some other chocolates. Add that to the easter basket that my Mother-in-Law sent us just a few days prior that was chuck-full of chocolate goodies. All of this chocolate is not helping me shed the last 5-10 lbs of baby weight that I am trying to loose! Our entire counter top is covered in easter goodies. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel when I look over to the kitchen and see all of our goodies on the countertop. I feel so lucky to have such thoughtful family members that wanted to make this easter special. I was not expecting to see so many gifts for Liam! He is so spoiled already! I call it "Easter on steroids"
As we recover from our weekend of fun, Liam and I are trying to get back on schedule with our feeding and naps. I am completely exhausted from running around with all of the bags and baby goods, plus a lack of good, uninterrupted sleep. With Winston not there by my side, I was there solo, tending to all of Liam's needs by myself. And all day today, my poor baby boy had gas and an upset tummy...which meant that we both had several outfit changes and a tiring day.
All in all, we had a lovely, love-filled weekend. It was great to spend the weekend with my family and see the joy on their faces when they got to hold and love on the baby boys. Speaking of baby boy, my little one is slumbering away in my bedroom, and my tired eyes are wishing I was in there too...so off I go!
Jess
So we all gathered in Amber and Ben's house and did what we did best: relaxed! We were fortunate enough to have favorably warm weather, which allowed the windows to be open, and the back door to the fenced-in backyard to be open for the three dogs that shared the same space as us. It was so great to smell the spring breeze flow in from the outside blooming trees. On Friday night, we ordered pizza and enjoyed it on the couch, which was wonderful. And on Saturday, we grilled out sausages and peppers, nibbled on corn on the cob, munched on tomato and mozzarella salad, scarfed down hasbrown casserole, and endlessly ate deviled eggs. It was such a light, healthy, scrumptous meal! We had many hands helping make it a yummy meal!
The baby boys were well behaved and I think they secretly love being together! They were so ridiculously spoiled by their grandparents and auntie and uncle...I came home with an over-flowing bag of goodies! My mother made little easter baskets for myselft, Winston, and Liam, she got Liam a puppet-book, and and easter outfit. Amber bought the boys an outfit and a bible, and Ben bought the boys their first set of plastic golf clubs! Then I came home to a huge "Grandbunny" chocolate easter bunny that Winston got me in addition to another chocolate bunny and some other chocolates. Add that to the easter basket that my Mother-in-Law sent us just a few days prior that was chuck-full of chocolate goodies. All of this chocolate is not helping me shed the last 5-10 lbs of baby weight that I am trying to loose! Our entire counter top is covered in easter goodies. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel when I look over to the kitchen and see all of our goodies on the countertop. I feel so lucky to have such thoughtful family members that wanted to make this easter special. I was not expecting to see so many gifts for Liam! He is so spoiled already! I call it "Easter on steroids"
As we recover from our weekend of fun, Liam and I are trying to get back on schedule with our feeding and naps. I am completely exhausted from running around with all of the bags and baby goods, plus a lack of good, uninterrupted sleep. With Winston not there by my side, I was there solo, tending to all of Liam's needs by myself. And all day today, my poor baby boy had gas and an upset tummy...which meant that we both had several outfit changes and a tiring day.
All in all, we had a lovely, love-filled weekend. It was great to spend the weekend with my family and see the joy on their faces when they got to hold and love on the baby boys. Speaking of baby boy, my little one is slumbering away in my bedroom, and my tired eyes are wishing I was in there too...so off I go!
Jess
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Winston flies solo...
My dear husband, Winston, had the great joy of spending the afternoon today with Liam solo. This was the VERY first time that Winston did not have me or anyone else with him to help with Liam. I wish I could express how nervous I was to leave him all alone with our little man...not that I didn't think he was capable, but because I see how he needs me to help support him when he has Liam in his lap. For example: we will be sitting on the couch, me on one side and Winston holding Liam on the other side. Liam would spit up, and Winston in his frantic state just freezes and yells, "I need a burp cloth! Jess, help me!" I typically stumble around our couch area in a fluster, frantically scanning the room for a burp rag, all because he is yelping. Although it is no serious emergency, Winston's reaction is to call for help, rather than grab the burp rag that was on the arm of the couch the entire time. After all spit-up is cleaned off both Liam and Winston, we sit and laugh at how frantic we get. It is times like these that come to mind that make me nervous to leave Liam and Winston alone. Who will help Winston get the burp cloth in a "state of emergency?"
So this afternoon I was off to my six-week postpartum doctor visit allllllll alone. There was no giant pregnant belly to move around, no awkward car seat to maneuver, and no diaper bag to struggle with. It was just me. And it was weird! I forget how quick life used to be when it was just me to worry about. So anyways, I had to go and have "the visit" where they do the lovely pap smear and give you the "go-ahead," even though my doctor never gave me the "go-ahead" at all. I sat there wondering if it was OK to resume normal activity, since he did not restrict me to do anything? Well, he did tell me to take it easy with abdominal exercises, but that was it!
When I returned home after hitting up the grocery store, I was happy to see that Winston was happily sitting on the couch browsing the Internet on his laptop, while Liam slumbered beside him in the boppy. Sure, there were dirty diapers on the ottoman-turned-impromptu-changing-table, and sure, there were burp rags slewn over the couch and floor, but all-in-all, everything was calm on the forefront. It didn't take too long for Liam to stir from his nap to let us know that he A) had a dirty diaper, B) was hungry, and C) had a terrible tummy ache. We dealt with B and C for the remainder of the evening. The poor little guy was off his feeding schedule, and his bout of bad gas did not lighten his mood. So, Winston and I spent the remainder of the afternoon doing all that we could to appease the little guy. I must say, it was kind of nice for Winston to see what a "fussy-baby-day" looks like! Now he knows how difficult it can be to get simple tasks done around the house while also dealing with a newborn! I felt terrible when I arrived home and had my own mini-meltdown...I was so irritable with the day! I was cranky because I didn't get much sleep, I was starving, I was light-headed due to the lack of food, I was cold from the freezing weather, I was wind-blown, and I was getting to the stage of engorgement and needed to pump. I crankily sat on the edge of the couch mumbling and bumbling to myself as I shoved left-over orzo into my mouth with one hand, while the other hand held my breast pump into place. Winston, who was proud of himself for making it through his first solo run with Liam, sat back and patiently let me spew and sputter about my aggravation with the people at the store...and the weather...and the hunger...and the everything else. Bless his heart, he was so patient and calm while I was a hot mess! It took me a few minutes, but I got over it. I told him that I had the opportunity to change my attitude and be positive, so I did. You must always keep in the sunlight, right? :)
Well, Liam is snoozing away and I am not far behind him. I ventured out of the house for the first time in a few days and I am worn out. We will see what tomorrow brings!
So this afternoon I was off to my six-week postpartum doctor visit allllllll alone. There was no giant pregnant belly to move around, no awkward car seat to maneuver, and no diaper bag to struggle with. It was just me. And it was weird! I forget how quick life used to be when it was just me to worry about. So anyways, I had to go and have "the visit" where they do the lovely pap smear and give you the "go-ahead," even though my doctor never gave me the "go-ahead" at all. I sat there wondering if it was OK to resume normal activity, since he did not restrict me to do anything? Well, he did tell me to take it easy with abdominal exercises, but that was it!
When I returned home after hitting up the grocery store, I was happy to see that Winston was happily sitting on the couch browsing the Internet on his laptop, while Liam slumbered beside him in the boppy. Sure, there were dirty diapers on the ottoman-turned-impromptu-changing-table, and sure, there were burp rags slewn over the couch and floor, but all-in-all, everything was calm on the forefront. It didn't take too long for Liam to stir from his nap to let us know that he A) had a dirty diaper, B) was hungry, and C) had a terrible tummy ache. We dealt with B and C for the remainder of the evening. The poor little guy was off his feeding schedule, and his bout of bad gas did not lighten his mood. So, Winston and I spent the remainder of the afternoon doing all that we could to appease the little guy. I must say, it was kind of nice for Winston to see what a "fussy-baby-day" looks like! Now he knows how difficult it can be to get simple tasks done around the house while also dealing with a newborn! I felt terrible when I arrived home and had my own mini-meltdown...I was so irritable with the day! I was cranky because I didn't get much sleep, I was starving, I was light-headed due to the lack of food, I was cold from the freezing weather, I was wind-blown, and I was getting to the stage of engorgement and needed to pump. I crankily sat on the edge of the couch mumbling and bumbling to myself as I shoved left-over orzo into my mouth with one hand, while the other hand held my breast pump into place. Winston, who was proud of himself for making it through his first solo run with Liam, sat back and patiently let me spew and sputter about my aggravation with the people at the store...and the weather...and the hunger...and the everything else. Bless his heart, he was so patient and calm while I was a hot mess! It took me a few minutes, but I got over it. I told him that I had the opportunity to change my attitude and be positive, so I did. You must always keep in the sunlight, right? :)
Well, Liam is snoozing away and I am not far behind him. I ventured out of the house for the first time in a few days and I am worn out. We will see what tomorrow brings!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Introduction
To begin with, I am a 27 year old married woman who just received the best gift in the world, a son. I now have a new tag to add to my title of "woman" and "wife," and that is "Mommy." I am currently on maternity leave from work to take care of our new son, Liam, who is the light of my life. He is a true gift, and I cannot believe that I created him. I was telling my husband last night that I forgot being pregnant because it flew by so fast! My husband and I truly feel that we created the cutest kid on the planet, and just sit and stare at him in amazement.
Liam is now 6 weeks old, and it is pure joy to watch him grow each day. He is still in newborn size diapers and clothes, so he is still little, but watching his brain development grow is what amazes me. It was such a milestone to see him smile for the first time (even though I am sure it was caused by gas...) he now smiles on cue. Granted, I turn into this bumbling wierdo, making faces, creating sounds that even I didn't know I was capable of making, and moving my hands all around his tiny body just to see his pudgy little face crack that 1000 watt smile, but it is so worth it! I have now figured out that in order to make him smile, it requires both facial expression and tone of voice. This morning was the first time that he cracked a huge grin when I peered into his bassinette. In addition to his smiles, he has made a habit of watching me with his eyes. It is so funny to watch him move those big blue eyes around the room to find me. And when he does finally find me, he instantly calms himself down and is silenced. It melts my heart!
All in all, life is wonderful! I am my happiest self at this time in my life. I have an amazing husband who is also my best friend. I have an amazing son that rocks my world everyday. I am able to be here, at home, and take care of my family and be the domestic goddess I have always wanted to be. Being a stay-at-home mom has been my dream job ever since I was a young girl, and now my dream has come true! I will have to return to work at the end of June, but that will allow me to have a solid 15 weeks off with Liam. In addition to my wonderful homestead situation, I have an amazing family as well. My parents live in Kansas and have been great resources, even from afar. My mother stayed with me for the first 2 weeks of Liam's existence on this earth, and I am not sure how I would have survived without her here. Due to the unlikely circumstance that I had to have a c-section because Liam was breech, I was not prepared to have had a "major surgery." I was unable to be on my feet and do much, and my mother was able to step in and help me out, since my husband had to return to work. My mother helped me establish a routine and assisted with laundry, cleaning, and cooking. What a blessing that was! When she left, my Grandmother stepped in, and was here for a week helping me out. Again, what a blessing it was to have her love and support. I have two sisters, both who are so special to me. My older sister is a labor and delivery nurse at the University of Kentucky hospital, and has been an invaluable resource. She was so knowledgeable of everything I experienced during my pregnancy, and was a great resource when my little man arrived. She lives an hour away, and Liam and I have enjoyed spending day dates with her. My younger sister lives 4 hours away in Akron, OH, and just had a little boy herself. Our sons are 3 weeks apart! It was wonderful to be pregnant with her, and now it's even more wonderful to be experiencing motherhood with her, especially since we are figuring everything out on our own! We have been foturnate enough to have spent the past few weekends together. I am so excited to embark on a roadtrip with my sisters in the next few weeks to visit my parents in Kansas. Nothing like 3 sisters and 2 infants in a car for 12 hours driving across the country! More to come on that adventure!
The title of this blog is, "Keeping in the Sunlight" because it is a motto I try to live my life by. In college, when I was going through a rough time scholastically, I purchased a card at the university bookstore that had rays of sunshine on the front with the words "Keep in the Sunlight" in bold, black letters. I instantly bought it, and kept it on my bulletin board in my room ever since. I looked at that card every day, and it encouraged me to work through the difficult days, as well as the bright ones. It was a cheery card, with bold yellow and goldenrod colors on the front. I still have the card...hidden in a box somewhere in my closet. I no longer need it out in the open to look at daily since I have the image of the card in my head at all times. It is a great reminder of how I wish to live my life every day.
Hopefully you will find this blog inspiring, humorous, insightful, and interesting. I am excited to share my daily experiences with you...whether it is regarding Liam, my husband, work, or cooking dinner...whatever it may be...I hope you enjoy it! Today is overcast, gray, and rainy, but that's no excuse to not keep in the sunlight (KITS)!!!!
Jess
Liam is now 6 weeks old, and it is pure joy to watch him grow each day. He is still in newborn size diapers and clothes, so he is still little, but watching his brain development grow is what amazes me. It was such a milestone to see him smile for the first time (even though I am sure it was caused by gas...) he now smiles on cue. Granted, I turn into this bumbling wierdo, making faces, creating sounds that even I didn't know I was capable of making, and moving my hands all around his tiny body just to see his pudgy little face crack that 1000 watt smile, but it is so worth it! I have now figured out that in order to make him smile, it requires both facial expression and tone of voice. This morning was the first time that he cracked a huge grin when I peered into his bassinette. In addition to his smiles, he has made a habit of watching me with his eyes. It is so funny to watch him move those big blue eyes around the room to find me. And when he does finally find me, he instantly calms himself down and is silenced. It melts my heart!
All in all, life is wonderful! I am my happiest self at this time in my life. I have an amazing husband who is also my best friend. I have an amazing son that rocks my world everyday. I am able to be here, at home, and take care of my family and be the domestic goddess I have always wanted to be. Being a stay-at-home mom has been my dream job ever since I was a young girl, and now my dream has come true! I will have to return to work at the end of June, but that will allow me to have a solid 15 weeks off with Liam. In addition to my wonderful homestead situation, I have an amazing family as well. My parents live in Kansas and have been great resources, even from afar. My mother stayed with me for the first 2 weeks of Liam's existence on this earth, and I am not sure how I would have survived without her here. Due to the unlikely circumstance that I had to have a c-section because Liam was breech, I was not prepared to have had a "major surgery." I was unable to be on my feet and do much, and my mother was able to step in and help me out, since my husband had to return to work. My mother helped me establish a routine and assisted with laundry, cleaning, and cooking. What a blessing that was! When she left, my Grandmother stepped in, and was here for a week helping me out. Again, what a blessing it was to have her love and support. I have two sisters, both who are so special to me. My older sister is a labor and delivery nurse at the University of Kentucky hospital, and has been an invaluable resource. She was so knowledgeable of everything I experienced during my pregnancy, and was a great resource when my little man arrived. She lives an hour away, and Liam and I have enjoyed spending day dates with her. My younger sister lives 4 hours away in Akron, OH, and just had a little boy herself. Our sons are 3 weeks apart! It was wonderful to be pregnant with her, and now it's even more wonderful to be experiencing motherhood with her, especially since we are figuring everything out on our own! We have been foturnate enough to have spent the past few weekends together. I am so excited to embark on a roadtrip with my sisters in the next few weeks to visit my parents in Kansas. Nothing like 3 sisters and 2 infants in a car for 12 hours driving across the country! More to come on that adventure!
The title of this blog is, "Keeping in the Sunlight" because it is a motto I try to live my life by. In college, when I was going through a rough time scholastically, I purchased a card at the university bookstore that had rays of sunshine on the front with the words "Keep in the Sunlight" in bold, black letters. I instantly bought it, and kept it on my bulletin board in my room ever since. I looked at that card every day, and it encouraged me to work through the difficult days, as well as the bright ones. It was a cheery card, with bold yellow and goldenrod colors on the front. I still have the card...hidden in a box somewhere in my closet. I no longer need it out in the open to look at daily since I have the image of the card in my head at all times. It is a great reminder of how I wish to live my life every day.
Hopefully you will find this blog inspiring, humorous, insightful, and interesting. I am excited to share my daily experiences with you...whether it is regarding Liam, my husband, work, or cooking dinner...whatever it may be...I hope you enjoy it! Today is overcast, gray, and rainy, but that's no excuse to not keep in the sunlight (KITS)!!!!
Jess
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