So I was sitting here on the couch with Liam today, and found myself tearing up just looking at him. I am not sure if it is hormones, on makes me tear up like nothing else. The little man makes me tear up like nothing else. He is the light of my life, and he brings me pure joy each and every day.
Liam and I have gotten into a routine where we get up for our morning feeding and diaper change, then go back to sleep, usually together. He either cuddles up to me in bed, or I come out to the couch and lay him on my chest for some kangaroo care. We are able to enjoy this for about 1-2 hours before the next feeding, and THEN...it's time for our "smiley time!" This is when Liam sits up on my legs or lap, and goes into his "coo" and smile mode. He will go on like this for a matter of minutes, and because I know it is short-lived at this age, I eat it up with a spoon! Liam's little voice is so sweet and soft, it tickles all of my insides. I honestly don't think there is anything else more sweet than your baby coo'ing at you. There are times when I look at him, and I am just in awe that I made this little creature. I am sure with every ounce in my body that there is anything greater that I could do, than to create life. Liam is the creation of Winston and I, and I think that we did such a super job! I know that I am biased, but he is such a blessing, and is so adorable, that I couldn't help but be proud. I see him grow and develop each day, and it just amazes me how all of this works...how his sperm and my egg meet, fertilize, cells split, then split more, then next thing you know, there's an embryo with a heart beat! Then, the heartbeat grows stronger, bones start to grow, nerves begin to develop, etc. I still look at him each day and sit in tears thinking that I created him!
Each day, when I look into Liam's eyes, I see him looking back. And that is what moves me. It's not that he just happens to be scanning the room and poof(!) there I am...it's that I see him looking into my eyes. He scans my face, my eyes, my expression... And to see him realize WHO I am, and to see him understand that I am important to him, is just priceless. It is in those moments of changing his diaper, breastfeeding him, and rocking him to sleep that I just melt into his big blue eyes.
I know I am not the first one to have this feeling, nor the last. I know that I am just like many other mothers out there who love and cherish their moments with their little ones like me, but I can't hold in the love and admiration that I have for him. There are days that I feel that I am going to burst outwards with love for him. And there are moments in the day that I want to hide in the other room for just a matter of 5 minutes to re-invograte my sense of self...but then all it takes is a smile, a coo, a giggle, or just him study my face, that I just crumple. This is my love for Liam. He runs my day, he runs my nights. He controls when I feed him, when I change him, and when I sleep. He determines how I schedule my afternoon out, and also determines when I can get up and do the things I want. But I would not take anything back...I would not change a thing.
Liam is currently swaddled up and sleeping in the other room, and I miss him. Every night, I tell Winston that I miss Liam when he is sleeping, which is the truth. He just looks so peaceful, calm, serene...so perfect. But I need to jump off of here so I can wrap a few things off before I head to bed so I can get up early to watch the Royal Wedding! I am ready to get up at 4am to see Kate "wake up a commoner, and go to bed a Princess!" I am so excited! Winston thinks I am a total nut...but oh well...it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing! Off I go! Cheerio!
Jess
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