So the time has come that I must return to work and leave my precious boy for 10+ hours each day. I can not describe how utterly upset that I am over this. Seriously, when I was pregnant, I would fret over having to go back to work once the baby was born. Now, don't get me wrong, I have had the luxury to have an amazing 13 weeks off thus far, and will have a total of 15 weeks when I return. I am just so sad that I can not be a stay-at-home Mom at this time in my life. But I know that the time isn't right for me to stay home right now, and hopefully in a few years when we have Baby Wood #2 on the way, I can make that decision at that time. My husband and I are working furiously right now to get to a spot where we can both afford it and appreciate it.
Just about 2 weeks ago, my husband and I purchased a vehicle! We are so happy to finally have found a car to fit our new family! :) Although it was not new, it is a new car to us and we couldn't be happier! We purchased a 2002 Toyota 4 Runner that has just enough room for all of Liam's necessities, as well as extra room! My husband will drive this new SUV, as it drives like a truck and it was his car that we replaced, but also because I still continue to drive a fair distance to work everyday, and it is not logical for me to drive the car at this time. I would LOVE to have the extra space for Liam's stroller and all that other stuff, but I have to be honest, my Maxima does the job just fine! :)
As I write this, I am nursing Liam and thinking about how much I am going to miss him tomorrow. I never realized how much I LOVED to nurse him until I had to solely rely on pumping while at work, and I must say, I miss the bonding of nursing when I can't nurse him! The bond is so strong, that only other nursing mothers understand. I hope to continue to breastfeed him for another 3-6 months. I know that there will be a time that he will transition into solid food and my breast milk will phase itself out, and I think how hard it will be. It is almost as if he is detaching himself from me step-by-step...first, the umbilical cord was cut to separate him from my belly, then he is being nursed and relies on my breast milk for nourishment, and soon enough, he will no longer need that. It kills me to think of that.
I have not been on here much lately, due to spending so much time outside recently with the glorious sunshine! I am addicted to the pool and the sun, and when it's nice outside, you can't keep me indoors! Luckily, Liam loves to be outside and is always on his best behavior when we are at the pool. I have a lovely tan going on, so at least there is a reward for my efforts of sunbathing! Now that I am indoors, I am able to reconnect to my cyber world, all the while nursing my beautiful son!
I still look at him and find it hard to believe that I grew him in my belly. My husband and I still look at each other and talk about how crazy it is that we created such an adorable human being. I am so in love.
Now I am off to bed to rest up for my day back to work tomorrow...
Keep in the Sunlight!
Jessica
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
A Good Friday
Today was a great day. I love that I woke up with Liam on one side of me (in his bassinet of course) and Winston on the other side of me. The sun was finally out and was shining bright...this hasn't happened in a while, and I know everyone was giddy with sunshine today. Winston and I had a somewhat rough night with Liam waking up alot earlier than we had planned, thus, thrusting us into our parental roles a whole lot earlier than we anticipated. However, we worked it out with alternating who was on baby-duty while the other one slept. I must say, Winston got more sleep than me, due to the fact that he had to work tonight, AND he doesn't have breastfeeding boobs that wake him up! It's not fair! Nonetheless, we had coffee, cinnamon rolls, and morning smiles.
It was about 1 o'clock in the afternoon when I finally was able to get up and get a shower. By 1pm, I had fed Liam a few times, given him a bath, made breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, and did some laundry. I must have a knack for timing, because Winston was trying to get up and get ready for work as well. So we did our bathroom dance as we shared the space together, catching each other's eye all the while. By 2 o'clock, I was showered, dressed, and ready to go, however Liam wanted to eat before we headed out. By the time we were done with all of that, it was about 3:30pm! Aye yay yay...
So Liam and I went shopping and did other errands, and I can honestly say, he is the best child to take out. He slept the entire time! As I was shopping, I found other shoppers and passersby peer into the stroller to check out who was in there! Of course, they think he is the cutest thing! :) I'm a proud mama, what can I say? We were going to take dinner to Winston, but he said he was too busy, so we were on our own. Chipotle it was! We sat outside at one of the tables, and as I ate and read my People magazine, Liam slumbered away. It was great!
When we arrived home, we did our routine of diaper changing, feeding, and burping. But it was during the burping session that I found myself getting choked up. I had my laptop on the arm of the couch, and it was doing a slide show of my pictures saved on the computer. As the pictures were changing, I found Liam transfixed on each picture. So as the picture changed, I would say, "that's Mommy," and "that's Daddy," and "that's Mommy and Daddy together" and I was just overcome with emotion! It was seeing all of the old pictures of Winston and I from back in college and afterwards that choked me up...knowing that we have been in love for so long, and knowing that from that love, we created Liam. I look at Liam everyday and can't help but think about how much we both love him...he will definitely know and feel it! It's just so crazy to see him grow and develop everyday...it really just amazes me! I was watching Oprah the past few days (it's her final season...!) and she had some of her most memorable guests on the show. During one of the shows, she covered a mother who was taping herself because she was dying of breast cancer and knew she was going to die, and made a series of tapes for her then 6 year old daughter. I put myself in her position, and thought about what I would do for Liam if I knew I was not going to live to see the next year. Would I begin writing him letters? Would I sit in front of a video camera and record myself? Would I gather pictures together and scrapbook it all for him for easy perusing? Yes. Yes. Yes. I would do it all for him. I can't imagine that after the million kisses to his forehead, his cheeks, his toes, his belly, his hands...I would think that he would know that I love him so much. However, I know that he is too young to remember. I put myself in this poor mother's position and thought about how emotional it must be to talk to a camera as though you are speaking to your offspring, and talking about life lessons, do's and don'ts, and everything else in between. It got me thinking...what would you say or do if YOU found out that life was short on time? Do you think you could fit ALL of your messages to your children on tapes? Do you think you could help guide them towards being the best person they can be?
I am about to crawl into bed and look over at that precious, sleeping, bundle of joy. I wish the world for him. I want him to be happy, healthy, and in love. I want him to find his purpose and fulfill it. I want him to have children of his own and understand how deep love can really go.
~Keep in the sunlight~
Jess
It was about 1 o'clock in the afternoon when I finally was able to get up and get a shower. By 1pm, I had fed Liam a few times, given him a bath, made breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, and did some laundry. I must have a knack for timing, because Winston was trying to get up and get ready for work as well. So we did our bathroom dance as we shared the space together, catching each other's eye all the while. By 2 o'clock, I was showered, dressed, and ready to go, however Liam wanted to eat before we headed out. By the time we were done with all of that, it was about 3:30pm! Aye yay yay...
So Liam and I went shopping and did other errands, and I can honestly say, he is the best child to take out. He slept the entire time! As I was shopping, I found other shoppers and passersby peer into the stroller to check out who was in there! Of course, they think he is the cutest thing! :) I'm a proud mama, what can I say? We were going to take dinner to Winston, but he said he was too busy, so we were on our own. Chipotle it was! We sat outside at one of the tables, and as I ate and read my People magazine, Liam slumbered away. It was great!
When we arrived home, we did our routine of diaper changing, feeding, and burping. But it was during the burping session that I found myself getting choked up. I had my laptop on the arm of the couch, and it was doing a slide show of my pictures saved on the computer. As the pictures were changing, I found Liam transfixed on each picture. So as the picture changed, I would say, "that's Mommy," and "that's Daddy," and "that's Mommy and Daddy together" and I was just overcome with emotion! It was seeing all of the old pictures of Winston and I from back in college and afterwards that choked me up...knowing that we have been in love for so long, and knowing that from that love, we created Liam. I look at Liam everyday and can't help but think about how much we both love him...he will definitely know and feel it! It's just so crazy to see him grow and develop everyday...it really just amazes me! I was watching Oprah the past few days (it's her final season...!) and she had some of her most memorable guests on the show. During one of the shows, she covered a mother who was taping herself because she was dying of breast cancer and knew she was going to die, and made a series of tapes for her then 6 year old daughter. I put myself in her position, and thought about what I would do for Liam if I knew I was not going to live to see the next year. Would I begin writing him letters? Would I sit in front of a video camera and record myself? Would I gather pictures together and scrapbook it all for him for easy perusing? Yes. Yes. Yes. I would do it all for him. I can't imagine that after the million kisses to his forehead, his cheeks, his toes, his belly, his hands...I would think that he would know that I love him so much. However, I know that he is too young to remember. I put myself in this poor mother's position and thought about how emotional it must be to talk to a camera as though you are speaking to your offspring, and talking about life lessons, do's and don'ts, and everything else in between. It got me thinking...what would you say or do if YOU found out that life was short on time? Do you think you could fit ALL of your messages to your children on tapes? Do you think you could help guide them towards being the best person they can be?
I am about to crawl into bed and look over at that precious, sleeping, bundle of joy. I wish the world for him. I want him to be happy, healthy, and in love. I want him to find his purpose and fulfill it. I want him to have children of his own and understand how deep love can really go.
~Keep in the sunlight~
Jess
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Kansas Trip 2011
The day had come...the 3 Grieshaber Girls were setting off with baby Henry and baby Liam to visit our parents who are currently residing in Hutchinson, KS. The day before Lauren (my little sister) and I were to depart to Lexington to spend the night at my older sister Amber's house (so the next morning we could all get up and jump in the car and head west), I get word that Lauren's husband was experiencing car problems and wouldn't start. So in order to get it all worked out, I offered to drive to Columbus (the half way point between our houses) to meet them and drive them to Cinci. So we did this on a Monday evening, and didn't return until midnight. After feeding Liam and pumping, I didn't get to bed until 1am. Lauren and I were both totally exhausted. The following morning, I had an 8am appointment to get my windshield "repaired" which ended up needing to be replaced, and this errand ended up taking a full 4 hours out of my fully packed prep day. This was all going on during the day in which I set aside to do all the last minute packing and cleaning before our big adventure. To add to it, my husband was pouting because I wasn't going to have time to cook this huge 8 pound pork butt...so I cooked it (which took a good 8 hours in the oven) in addition to 3 loads of laundry, errands out around town, and cleaning. Nonetheless, after making dinner, cleaning up from dinner, making additional food for my husband while I was away and cleaning up after that, Lauren and I didn't get on the road until 9:30pm to head to Lexington. Once in Lex, we had to unpack all of our bags, feed babies, and try to get some great sleep before our big adventure. Again, sleep was not something that I got alot of...5:30 came reallllllllly early. Once we were all up, it was crazy! Amber flew into our room with news that her best friend was going into labor, we were all trying to get showers and feed babies and pack the car...it was mayhem. Finally, we were all loaded up in the car at 7:30am and ready to head out. As soon as we were in the car, Amber called one of her friends at work to get the status of her friend who was in labor, and her friend put us on speaker phone while Amber's friend was in the operating room during her C-section. It was the wildest thing to feel that we were right there! Her friend did not know the sex of the baby, so it was so great to hear her excitement that she had a girl! I am not sure if it was the lack of sleep mixed with stress, or true emotion (I'm going with the latter) but I was so emotional and was crying like a baby! It was difficult to drive with teary eyes! And yes, I was the one who opted for the first leg of driving...which ended up being a stupid, stupid idea!
So after 2 explosive blow-outs from Liam, 4 outfit changes, 4 destroyed burp cloths, 3 soiled bibs, 2 layers of car seat lining removed, and 1 lost pacifier, all from my little man Liam, we arrived in "Hutch" all jacked up on Starbucks and sleep deprivation. My Mom had the house looking and smelling great and was so excited to see the silver Maxima pull up in her driveway carrying all of her precious cargo. We walked in to a beautiful house, full with the aromas of dinner on the stove, waiting just for us! My Dad had to work late, so we beat him to the house, but as soon as we were finishing our tour of their new digs, he walked in and immediately claimed baby-holding-duty. My tired eyes were failing me, and before I knew it, I was passed out in the luscious, comfy, feather bed in my room with Liam beside me in his boppy pillow. We were both exhausted.
The visit with the parents was exactly as I had imagined. We had lunch at one of their favorite joints, saw all the cute parts of the town, dropped in at my Dad's office to show off the babies and meet his secretaries and co-workers, had numerous feasts, and lots of giggles. We found ourselves poolside many days, enjoying the 90 degree weather to it's fullest. We took a walk around their small, quaint neighborhood, played XBOX kinect, cooed at the babies, and ate some more. Mom, Lauren and I all enjoyed Mother's Day together on Sunday...we went to brunch at the Country Club, then hung by the pool, and enjoyed Ken's pizza in the evening. It was so wonderful! My awesome sister Amber got us the best presents ever: family tree necklaces that have the birthstones of our husbands, ourselves, and our babies on them. They were amazingly special. Each necklace was different, as they individually represented our personal family tree. Amber always just comes up with the coolest gifts!
Unfortunately, the day had come that we had to pack our bags back up and head back east. Packing was an amazing task, since burp cloths, diapers, laundry, bottles, and toys were scattered all over their gorgeous house. After getting some shut-eye, I got both baby and body ready for the long trek home. After having a terrible drive out to Kansas, I was prepared for the worst. We said our goodbyes, hugged our parents, packed the car, and drove off... It was the first time I wasn't emotional from leaving them, but I think it was because I was so excited to get home to my hubby. Liam surprised us all by being on his best behavior and not being so fussy. I was so happy! I didn't think I could have done another grueling drive like that again. After driving all day, we finally arrived home in Cincinnati at midnight. Lauren and Henry stayed with us that night, and I don't think Lauren and I could even get to our beds before we passed out. Winston was more than excited to see his little man, and I will never forget the moment in bed that we all reconnected.
I can now say that I saw Mom and Dad's new digs, saw what Hutch had to offer, and loved every minute. I would have been upset if I did not get to see their new place while on maternity leave. Winston and I are planning another trip out there in September with Liam, so we shall see how that trip goes! All I know is that I am one lucky girl who has the cutest son, most loving husband, and sweet, caring sisters. Life is good. Especially when you stay in the sunlight. :)
Jess
So after 2 explosive blow-outs from Liam, 4 outfit changes, 4 destroyed burp cloths, 3 soiled bibs, 2 layers of car seat lining removed, and 1 lost pacifier, all from my little man Liam, we arrived in "Hutch" all jacked up on Starbucks and sleep deprivation. My Mom had the house looking and smelling great and was so excited to see the silver Maxima pull up in her driveway carrying all of her precious cargo. We walked in to a beautiful house, full with the aromas of dinner on the stove, waiting just for us! My Dad had to work late, so we beat him to the house, but as soon as we were finishing our tour of their new digs, he walked in and immediately claimed baby-holding-duty. My tired eyes were failing me, and before I knew it, I was passed out in the luscious, comfy, feather bed in my room with Liam beside me in his boppy pillow. We were both exhausted.
The visit with the parents was exactly as I had imagined. We had lunch at one of their favorite joints, saw all the cute parts of the town, dropped in at my Dad's office to show off the babies and meet his secretaries and co-workers, had numerous feasts, and lots of giggles. We found ourselves poolside many days, enjoying the 90 degree weather to it's fullest. We took a walk around their small, quaint neighborhood, played XBOX kinect, cooed at the babies, and ate some more. Mom, Lauren and I all enjoyed Mother's Day together on Sunday...we went to brunch at the Country Club, then hung by the pool, and enjoyed Ken's pizza in the evening. It was so wonderful! My awesome sister Amber got us the best presents ever: family tree necklaces that have the birthstones of our husbands, ourselves, and our babies on them. They were amazingly special. Each necklace was different, as they individually represented our personal family tree. Amber always just comes up with the coolest gifts!
Unfortunately, the day had come that we had to pack our bags back up and head back east. Packing was an amazing task, since burp cloths, diapers, laundry, bottles, and toys were scattered all over their gorgeous house. After getting some shut-eye, I got both baby and body ready for the long trek home. After having a terrible drive out to Kansas, I was prepared for the worst. We said our goodbyes, hugged our parents, packed the car, and drove off... It was the first time I wasn't emotional from leaving them, but I think it was because I was so excited to get home to my hubby. Liam surprised us all by being on his best behavior and not being so fussy. I was so happy! I didn't think I could have done another grueling drive like that again. After driving all day, we finally arrived home in Cincinnati at midnight. Lauren and Henry stayed with us that night, and I don't think Lauren and I could even get to our beds before we passed out. Winston was more than excited to see his little man, and I will never forget the moment in bed that we all reconnected.
I can now say that I saw Mom and Dad's new digs, saw what Hutch had to offer, and loved every minute. I would have been upset if I did not get to see their new place while on maternity leave. Winston and I are planning another trip out there in September with Liam, so we shall see how that trip goes! All I know is that I am one lucky girl who has the cutest son, most loving husband, and sweet, caring sisters. Life is good. Especially when you stay in the sunlight. :)
Jess
THE Royal Wedding
So as long as I live, I will always remember where I was when Prince William and Kate got married. Oh, sorry, I mean the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. :) I was sitting on my couch...with my baby boy...
Of course, I was one of "those" people who got up at 4am to watch the wedding live. No...no alarm clock was set...it just happens to be that as a breastfeeding mother, I happened to be up at that time. I was so grateful that Liam got us both up to watch the wedding! I was giddy with excitement!!!!! Of course, I had it taping on two separate channels, but you could not have paid me money to peel my eyes away from BBC America's channel. Lauren and I were both up feeding our babies and pumping into empty plastic bottles, all the while, listening to the low hum of the breast pump. But alas, as I switched on our amazing flat screen TV, I was enamored with all the news media that was covering the wedding...anticipating seeing any member of the royal family and of course, waiting for the big reveal of Kate's wedding dress. After I fed Liam and had him soundly slumbering in his boppy next to me, my fast fingers furiously texted Lauren every few seconds. We were both holding our breath and on the edge of our seats! We were texting so much, that I had to switch my phone to vibrate so as to not disturb my precious sleeping baby. Then lo and behold, we saw Prince Harry and Prince William depart from Clarence House in their amazingly hot uniforms, seated in an amazingly hot car. I could not hold back any longer...the time had come...I called Lauren and let out this breathless gasp of air...fighting to find the words of how hot William looked. I then decided to call my mother, who earlier claimed that she was planning on getting up as well, however, when she answered the phone, she sounded like she was sleeping! I could not believe it! My own mother...the woman who claimed to be one of Princess Diana's biggest fan...was sleeping through the wedding of the decade! Let's just say, it did not take long for my Mom to wake back up and call me back. She phoned in, and I joined Lauren and Mom's call together, so the three of us were all on the same line. We were all on the edge of our seats! Lauren and I had to catch Mom up to speed from all that she missed. She was up in time to see everyone's drive to the cathedral, she started with seeing Kate's mother and brother arriving at the Abbey. We then watched Prince Charles and Camilla, Pippa and the other bridesmaids, the Queen, and then FINALLY Kate. All cameras were on Kate as she gave the world a teasing glimpse of her dress as she graciously climbed into the car. But we did not have to wait too long...she sat in a gorgeous Rolls Royce that was all windows, and the world got to see the top bodice of her dress. She graciously waved at all the passersby as she and her father made their way to the Abbey where her prince awaited. It wasn't until she stepped out of the car, that we got to see the dress in all of it's glory. She had a beautiful A-line dress, with gorgeous lace sleeves, scalloped neckline, form-fitting bodice, and a 9ft. train. She wore a beautiful Cartier tiara that was loaned to her by the Queen. Again, we were all giddy with excitement! On cue, little Liam woke up and starting stirring as she was making her way to the Abbey, so I did what anyone would do...I stuck him on the boob! Hahaha! It was a beautiful ceremony that was solemn and structured, yet flirty between William and Kate. Then the infamous carriage ride took place back through the crowds up to Buckingham Palace. Again, we awaited another time in history, waiting for THE kiss on the balcony. I could not be happier when they kissed not once, but twice!!!!
It was a long morning, but worth it!!! I watched the wedding all day long...I watched it on several channels and documentaries that made Winston more than disgusted. I could not help myself! I was so excited to watch the wedding of the decade! History was made! And I got to witness it!
Of course, I was one of "those" people who got up at 4am to watch the wedding live. No...no alarm clock was set...it just happens to be that as a breastfeeding mother, I happened to be up at that time. I was so grateful that Liam got us both up to watch the wedding! I was giddy with excitement!!!!! Of course, I had it taping on two separate channels, but you could not have paid me money to peel my eyes away from BBC America's channel. Lauren and I were both up feeding our babies and pumping into empty plastic bottles, all the while, listening to the low hum of the breast pump. But alas, as I switched on our amazing flat screen TV, I was enamored with all the news media that was covering the wedding...anticipating seeing any member of the royal family and of course, waiting for the big reveal of Kate's wedding dress. After I fed Liam and had him soundly slumbering in his boppy next to me, my fast fingers furiously texted Lauren every few seconds. We were both holding our breath and on the edge of our seats! We were texting so much, that I had to switch my phone to vibrate so as to not disturb my precious sleeping baby. Then lo and behold, we saw Prince Harry and Prince William depart from Clarence House in their amazingly hot uniforms, seated in an amazingly hot car. I could not hold back any longer...the time had come...I called Lauren and let out this breathless gasp of air...fighting to find the words of how hot William looked. I then decided to call my mother, who earlier claimed that she was planning on getting up as well, however, when she answered the phone, she sounded like she was sleeping! I could not believe it! My own mother...the woman who claimed to be one of Princess Diana's biggest fan...was sleeping through the wedding of the decade! Let's just say, it did not take long for my Mom to wake back up and call me back. She phoned in, and I joined Lauren and Mom's call together, so the three of us were all on the same line. We were all on the edge of our seats! Lauren and I had to catch Mom up to speed from all that she missed. She was up in time to see everyone's drive to the cathedral, she started with seeing Kate's mother and brother arriving at the Abbey. We then watched Prince Charles and Camilla, Pippa and the other bridesmaids, the Queen, and then FINALLY Kate. All cameras were on Kate as she gave the world a teasing glimpse of her dress as she graciously climbed into the car. But we did not have to wait too long...she sat in a gorgeous Rolls Royce that was all windows, and the world got to see the top bodice of her dress. She graciously waved at all the passersby as she and her father made their way to the Abbey where her prince awaited. It wasn't until she stepped out of the car, that we got to see the dress in all of it's glory. She had a beautiful A-line dress, with gorgeous lace sleeves, scalloped neckline, form-fitting bodice, and a 9ft. train. She wore a beautiful Cartier tiara that was loaned to her by the Queen. Again, we were all giddy with excitement! On cue, little Liam woke up and starting stirring as she was making her way to the Abbey, so I did what anyone would do...I stuck him on the boob! Hahaha! It was a beautiful ceremony that was solemn and structured, yet flirty between William and Kate. Then the infamous carriage ride took place back through the crowds up to Buckingham Palace. Again, we awaited another time in history, waiting for THE kiss on the balcony. I could not be happier when they kissed not once, but twice!!!!
It was a long morning, but worth it!!! I watched the wedding all day long...I watched it on several channels and documentaries that made Winston more than disgusted. I could not help myself! I was so excited to watch the wedding of the decade! History was made! And I got to witness it!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Love for Liam
So I was sitting here on the couch with Liam today, and found myself tearing up just looking at him. I am not sure if it is hormones, on makes me tear up like nothing else. The little man makes me tear up like nothing else. He is the light of my life, and he brings me pure joy each and every day.
Liam and I have gotten into a routine where we get up for our morning feeding and diaper change, then go back to sleep, usually together. He either cuddles up to me in bed, or I come out to the couch and lay him on my chest for some kangaroo care. We are able to enjoy this for about 1-2 hours before the next feeding, and THEN...it's time for our "smiley time!" This is when Liam sits up on my legs or lap, and goes into his "coo" and smile mode. He will go on like this for a matter of minutes, and because I know it is short-lived at this age, I eat it up with a spoon! Liam's little voice is so sweet and soft, it tickles all of my insides. I honestly don't think there is anything else more sweet than your baby coo'ing at you. There are times when I look at him, and I am just in awe that I made this little creature. I am sure with every ounce in my body that there is anything greater that I could do, than to create life. Liam is the creation of Winston and I, and I think that we did such a super job! I know that I am biased, but he is such a blessing, and is so adorable, that I couldn't help but be proud. I see him grow and develop each day, and it just amazes me how all of this works...how his sperm and my egg meet, fertilize, cells split, then split more, then next thing you know, there's an embryo with a heart beat! Then, the heartbeat grows stronger, bones start to grow, nerves begin to develop, etc. I still look at him each day and sit in tears thinking that I created him!
Each day, when I look into Liam's eyes, I see him looking back. And that is what moves me. It's not that he just happens to be scanning the room and poof(!) there I am...it's that I see him looking into my eyes. He scans my face, my eyes, my expression... And to see him realize WHO I am, and to see him understand that I am important to him, is just priceless. It is in those moments of changing his diaper, breastfeeding him, and rocking him to sleep that I just melt into his big blue eyes.
I know I am not the first one to have this feeling, nor the last. I know that I am just like many other mothers out there who love and cherish their moments with their little ones like me, but I can't hold in the love and admiration that I have for him. There are days that I feel that I am going to burst outwards with love for him. And there are moments in the day that I want to hide in the other room for just a matter of 5 minutes to re-invograte my sense of self...but then all it takes is a smile, a coo, a giggle, or just him study my face, that I just crumple. This is my love for Liam. He runs my day, he runs my nights. He controls when I feed him, when I change him, and when I sleep. He determines how I schedule my afternoon out, and also determines when I can get up and do the things I want. But I would not take anything back...I would not change a thing.
Liam is currently swaddled up and sleeping in the other room, and I miss him. Every night, I tell Winston that I miss Liam when he is sleeping, which is the truth. He just looks so peaceful, calm, serene...so perfect. But I need to jump off of here so I can wrap a few things off before I head to bed so I can get up early to watch the Royal Wedding! I am ready to get up at 4am to see Kate "wake up a commoner, and go to bed a Princess!" I am so excited! Winston thinks I am a total nut...but oh well...it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing! Off I go! Cheerio!
Jess
Liam and I have gotten into a routine where we get up for our morning feeding and diaper change, then go back to sleep, usually together. He either cuddles up to me in bed, or I come out to the couch and lay him on my chest for some kangaroo care. We are able to enjoy this for about 1-2 hours before the next feeding, and THEN...it's time for our "smiley time!" This is when Liam sits up on my legs or lap, and goes into his "coo" and smile mode. He will go on like this for a matter of minutes, and because I know it is short-lived at this age, I eat it up with a spoon! Liam's little voice is so sweet and soft, it tickles all of my insides. I honestly don't think there is anything else more sweet than your baby coo'ing at you. There are times when I look at him, and I am just in awe that I made this little creature. I am sure with every ounce in my body that there is anything greater that I could do, than to create life. Liam is the creation of Winston and I, and I think that we did such a super job! I know that I am biased, but he is such a blessing, and is so adorable, that I couldn't help but be proud. I see him grow and develop each day, and it just amazes me how all of this works...how his sperm and my egg meet, fertilize, cells split, then split more, then next thing you know, there's an embryo with a heart beat! Then, the heartbeat grows stronger, bones start to grow, nerves begin to develop, etc. I still look at him each day and sit in tears thinking that I created him!
Each day, when I look into Liam's eyes, I see him looking back. And that is what moves me. It's not that he just happens to be scanning the room and poof(!) there I am...it's that I see him looking into my eyes. He scans my face, my eyes, my expression... And to see him realize WHO I am, and to see him understand that I am important to him, is just priceless. It is in those moments of changing his diaper, breastfeeding him, and rocking him to sleep that I just melt into his big blue eyes.
I know I am not the first one to have this feeling, nor the last. I know that I am just like many other mothers out there who love and cherish their moments with their little ones like me, but I can't hold in the love and admiration that I have for him. There are days that I feel that I am going to burst outwards with love for him. And there are moments in the day that I want to hide in the other room for just a matter of 5 minutes to re-invograte my sense of self...but then all it takes is a smile, a coo, a giggle, or just him study my face, that I just crumple. This is my love for Liam. He runs my day, he runs my nights. He controls when I feed him, when I change him, and when I sleep. He determines how I schedule my afternoon out, and also determines when I can get up and do the things I want. But I would not take anything back...I would not change a thing.
Liam is currently swaddled up and sleeping in the other room, and I miss him. Every night, I tell Winston that I miss Liam when he is sleeping, which is the truth. He just looks so peaceful, calm, serene...so perfect. But I need to jump off of here so I can wrap a few things off before I head to bed so I can get up early to watch the Royal Wedding! I am ready to get up at 4am to see Kate "wake up a commoner, and go to bed a Princess!" I am so excited! Winston thinks I am a total nut...but oh well...it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing! Off I go! Cheerio!
Jess
Monday, April 25, 2011
Easter 2011
This past weekend was spent with my immediate family in Lexington, KY at my older sister Amber's house. It seems we all flocked there, spontanously, from 3 different states: Kentucky, Ohio, and Kansas. Although there were not any previous arrangements to enjoy our Easter holiday together, my family somehow made it happen! My little sister Lauren, her son Henry, and her husband Kevin, drove down from Akron, OH and met at my apartment in Northern Kentucky before we all went down together to Lexington. My husband Winston was unable to join us due to his unfortunate work schedule at a retail grocery store, but Liam and I went nonetheless. My parents made the long drive in from Kansas so they could be there to celebrate the holiday weekend as well. We all had such a fun time being with each other! The last time that we were all together in the same room, was when Liam was born, which was a month ago. Even then, the time was short-lived, as everyone had to return to work.
So we all gathered in Amber and Ben's house and did what we did best: relaxed! We were fortunate enough to have favorably warm weather, which allowed the windows to be open, and the back door to the fenced-in backyard to be open for the three dogs that shared the same space as us. It was so great to smell the spring breeze flow in from the outside blooming trees. On Friday night, we ordered pizza and enjoyed it on the couch, which was wonderful. And on Saturday, we grilled out sausages and peppers, nibbled on corn on the cob, munched on tomato and mozzarella salad, scarfed down hasbrown casserole, and endlessly ate deviled eggs. It was such a light, healthy, scrumptous meal! We had many hands helping make it a yummy meal!
The baby boys were well behaved and I think they secretly love being together! They were so ridiculously spoiled by their grandparents and auntie and uncle...I came home with an over-flowing bag of goodies! My mother made little easter baskets for myselft, Winston, and Liam, she got Liam a puppet-book, and and easter outfit. Amber bought the boys an outfit and a bible, and Ben bought the boys their first set of plastic golf clubs! Then I came home to a huge "Grandbunny" chocolate easter bunny that Winston got me in addition to another chocolate bunny and some other chocolates. Add that to the easter basket that my Mother-in-Law sent us just a few days prior that was chuck-full of chocolate goodies. All of this chocolate is not helping me shed the last 5-10 lbs of baby weight that I am trying to loose! Our entire counter top is covered in easter goodies. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel when I look over to the kitchen and see all of our goodies on the countertop. I feel so lucky to have such thoughtful family members that wanted to make this easter special. I was not expecting to see so many gifts for Liam! He is so spoiled already! I call it "Easter on steroids"
As we recover from our weekend of fun, Liam and I are trying to get back on schedule with our feeding and naps. I am completely exhausted from running around with all of the bags and baby goods, plus a lack of good, uninterrupted sleep. With Winston not there by my side, I was there solo, tending to all of Liam's needs by myself. And all day today, my poor baby boy had gas and an upset tummy...which meant that we both had several outfit changes and a tiring day.
All in all, we had a lovely, love-filled weekend. It was great to spend the weekend with my family and see the joy on their faces when they got to hold and love on the baby boys. Speaking of baby boy, my little one is slumbering away in my bedroom, and my tired eyes are wishing I was in there too...so off I go!
Jess
So we all gathered in Amber and Ben's house and did what we did best: relaxed! We were fortunate enough to have favorably warm weather, which allowed the windows to be open, and the back door to the fenced-in backyard to be open for the three dogs that shared the same space as us. It was so great to smell the spring breeze flow in from the outside blooming trees. On Friday night, we ordered pizza and enjoyed it on the couch, which was wonderful. And on Saturday, we grilled out sausages and peppers, nibbled on corn on the cob, munched on tomato and mozzarella salad, scarfed down hasbrown casserole, and endlessly ate deviled eggs. It was such a light, healthy, scrumptous meal! We had many hands helping make it a yummy meal!
The baby boys were well behaved and I think they secretly love being together! They were so ridiculously spoiled by their grandparents and auntie and uncle...I came home with an over-flowing bag of goodies! My mother made little easter baskets for myselft, Winston, and Liam, she got Liam a puppet-book, and and easter outfit. Amber bought the boys an outfit and a bible, and Ben bought the boys their first set of plastic golf clubs! Then I came home to a huge "Grandbunny" chocolate easter bunny that Winston got me in addition to another chocolate bunny and some other chocolates. Add that to the easter basket that my Mother-in-Law sent us just a few days prior that was chuck-full of chocolate goodies. All of this chocolate is not helping me shed the last 5-10 lbs of baby weight that I am trying to loose! Our entire counter top is covered in easter goodies. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel when I look over to the kitchen and see all of our goodies on the countertop. I feel so lucky to have such thoughtful family members that wanted to make this easter special. I was not expecting to see so many gifts for Liam! He is so spoiled already! I call it "Easter on steroids"
As we recover from our weekend of fun, Liam and I are trying to get back on schedule with our feeding and naps. I am completely exhausted from running around with all of the bags and baby goods, plus a lack of good, uninterrupted sleep. With Winston not there by my side, I was there solo, tending to all of Liam's needs by myself. And all day today, my poor baby boy had gas and an upset tummy...which meant that we both had several outfit changes and a tiring day.
All in all, we had a lovely, love-filled weekend. It was great to spend the weekend with my family and see the joy on their faces when they got to hold and love on the baby boys. Speaking of baby boy, my little one is slumbering away in my bedroom, and my tired eyes are wishing I was in there too...so off I go!
Jess
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Winston flies solo...
My dear husband, Winston, had the great joy of spending the afternoon today with Liam solo. This was the VERY first time that Winston did not have me or anyone else with him to help with Liam. I wish I could express how nervous I was to leave him all alone with our little man...not that I didn't think he was capable, but because I see how he needs me to help support him when he has Liam in his lap. For example: we will be sitting on the couch, me on one side and Winston holding Liam on the other side. Liam would spit up, and Winston in his frantic state just freezes and yells, "I need a burp cloth! Jess, help me!" I typically stumble around our couch area in a fluster, frantically scanning the room for a burp rag, all because he is yelping. Although it is no serious emergency, Winston's reaction is to call for help, rather than grab the burp rag that was on the arm of the couch the entire time. After all spit-up is cleaned off both Liam and Winston, we sit and laugh at how frantic we get. It is times like these that come to mind that make me nervous to leave Liam and Winston alone. Who will help Winston get the burp cloth in a "state of emergency?"
So this afternoon I was off to my six-week postpartum doctor visit allllllll alone. There was no giant pregnant belly to move around, no awkward car seat to maneuver, and no diaper bag to struggle with. It was just me. And it was weird! I forget how quick life used to be when it was just me to worry about. So anyways, I had to go and have "the visit" where they do the lovely pap smear and give you the "go-ahead," even though my doctor never gave me the "go-ahead" at all. I sat there wondering if it was OK to resume normal activity, since he did not restrict me to do anything? Well, he did tell me to take it easy with abdominal exercises, but that was it!
When I returned home after hitting up the grocery store, I was happy to see that Winston was happily sitting on the couch browsing the Internet on his laptop, while Liam slumbered beside him in the boppy. Sure, there were dirty diapers on the ottoman-turned-impromptu-changing-table, and sure, there were burp rags slewn over the couch and floor, but all-in-all, everything was calm on the forefront. It didn't take too long for Liam to stir from his nap to let us know that he A) had a dirty diaper, B) was hungry, and C) had a terrible tummy ache. We dealt with B and C for the remainder of the evening. The poor little guy was off his feeding schedule, and his bout of bad gas did not lighten his mood. So, Winston and I spent the remainder of the afternoon doing all that we could to appease the little guy. I must say, it was kind of nice for Winston to see what a "fussy-baby-day" looks like! Now he knows how difficult it can be to get simple tasks done around the house while also dealing with a newborn! I felt terrible when I arrived home and had my own mini-meltdown...I was so irritable with the day! I was cranky because I didn't get much sleep, I was starving, I was light-headed due to the lack of food, I was cold from the freezing weather, I was wind-blown, and I was getting to the stage of engorgement and needed to pump. I crankily sat on the edge of the couch mumbling and bumbling to myself as I shoved left-over orzo into my mouth with one hand, while the other hand held my breast pump into place. Winston, who was proud of himself for making it through his first solo run with Liam, sat back and patiently let me spew and sputter about my aggravation with the people at the store...and the weather...and the hunger...and the everything else. Bless his heart, he was so patient and calm while I was a hot mess! It took me a few minutes, but I got over it. I told him that I had the opportunity to change my attitude and be positive, so I did. You must always keep in the sunlight, right? :)
Well, Liam is snoozing away and I am not far behind him. I ventured out of the house for the first time in a few days and I am worn out. We will see what tomorrow brings!
So this afternoon I was off to my six-week postpartum doctor visit allllllll alone. There was no giant pregnant belly to move around, no awkward car seat to maneuver, and no diaper bag to struggle with. It was just me. And it was weird! I forget how quick life used to be when it was just me to worry about. So anyways, I had to go and have "the visit" where they do the lovely pap smear and give you the "go-ahead," even though my doctor never gave me the "go-ahead" at all. I sat there wondering if it was OK to resume normal activity, since he did not restrict me to do anything? Well, he did tell me to take it easy with abdominal exercises, but that was it!
When I returned home after hitting up the grocery store, I was happy to see that Winston was happily sitting on the couch browsing the Internet on his laptop, while Liam slumbered beside him in the boppy. Sure, there were dirty diapers on the ottoman-turned-impromptu-changing-table, and sure, there were burp rags slewn over the couch and floor, but all-in-all, everything was calm on the forefront. It didn't take too long for Liam to stir from his nap to let us know that he A) had a dirty diaper, B) was hungry, and C) had a terrible tummy ache. We dealt with B and C for the remainder of the evening. The poor little guy was off his feeding schedule, and his bout of bad gas did not lighten his mood. So, Winston and I spent the remainder of the afternoon doing all that we could to appease the little guy. I must say, it was kind of nice for Winston to see what a "fussy-baby-day" looks like! Now he knows how difficult it can be to get simple tasks done around the house while also dealing with a newborn! I felt terrible when I arrived home and had my own mini-meltdown...I was so irritable with the day! I was cranky because I didn't get much sleep, I was starving, I was light-headed due to the lack of food, I was cold from the freezing weather, I was wind-blown, and I was getting to the stage of engorgement and needed to pump. I crankily sat on the edge of the couch mumbling and bumbling to myself as I shoved left-over orzo into my mouth with one hand, while the other hand held my breast pump into place. Winston, who was proud of himself for making it through his first solo run with Liam, sat back and patiently let me spew and sputter about my aggravation with the people at the store...and the weather...and the hunger...and the everything else. Bless his heart, he was so patient and calm while I was a hot mess! It took me a few minutes, but I got over it. I told him that I had the opportunity to change my attitude and be positive, so I did. You must always keep in the sunlight, right? :)
Well, Liam is snoozing away and I am not far behind him. I ventured out of the house for the first time in a few days and I am worn out. We will see what tomorrow brings!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Introduction
To begin with, I am a 27 year old married woman who just received the best gift in the world, a son. I now have a new tag to add to my title of "woman" and "wife," and that is "Mommy." I am currently on maternity leave from work to take care of our new son, Liam, who is the light of my life. He is a true gift, and I cannot believe that I created him. I was telling my husband last night that I forgot being pregnant because it flew by so fast! My husband and I truly feel that we created the cutest kid on the planet, and just sit and stare at him in amazement.
Liam is now 6 weeks old, and it is pure joy to watch him grow each day. He is still in newborn size diapers and clothes, so he is still little, but watching his brain development grow is what amazes me. It was such a milestone to see him smile for the first time (even though I am sure it was caused by gas...) he now smiles on cue. Granted, I turn into this bumbling wierdo, making faces, creating sounds that even I didn't know I was capable of making, and moving my hands all around his tiny body just to see his pudgy little face crack that 1000 watt smile, but it is so worth it! I have now figured out that in order to make him smile, it requires both facial expression and tone of voice. This morning was the first time that he cracked a huge grin when I peered into his bassinette. In addition to his smiles, he has made a habit of watching me with his eyes. It is so funny to watch him move those big blue eyes around the room to find me. And when he does finally find me, he instantly calms himself down and is silenced. It melts my heart!
All in all, life is wonderful! I am my happiest self at this time in my life. I have an amazing husband who is also my best friend. I have an amazing son that rocks my world everyday. I am able to be here, at home, and take care of my family and be the domestic goddess I have always wanted to be. Being a stay-at-home mom has been my dream job ever since I was a young girl, and now my dream has come true! I will have to return to work at the end of June, but that will allow me to have a solid 15 weeks off with Liam. In addition to my wonderful homestead situation, I have an amazing family as well. My parents live in Kansas and have been great resources, even from afar. My mother stayed with me for the first 2 weeks of Liam's existence on this earth, and I am not sure how I would have survived without her here. Due to the unlikely circumstance that I had to have a c-section because Liam was breech, I was not prepared to have had a "major surgery." I was unable to be on my feet and do much, and my mother was able to step in and help me out, since my husband had to return to work. My mother helped me establish a routine and assisted with laundry, cleaning, and cooking. What a blessing that was! When she left, my Grandmother stepped in, and was here for a week helping me out. Again, what a blessing it was to have her love and support. I have two sisters, both who are so special to me. My older sister is a labor and delivery nurse at the University of Kentucky hospital, and has been an invaluable resource. She was so knowledgeable of everything I experienced during my pregnancy, and was a great resource when my little man arrived. She lives an hour away, and Liam and I have enjoyed spending day dates with her. My younger sister lives 4 hours away in Akron, OH, and just had a little boy herself. Our sons are 3 weeks apart! It was wonderful to be pregnant with her, and now it's even more wonderful to be experiencing motherhood with her, especially since we are figuring everything out on our own! We have been foturnate enough to have spent the past few weekends together. I am so excited to embark on a roadtrip with my sisters in the next few weeks to visit my parents in Kansas. Nothing like 3 sisters and 2 infants in a car for 12 hours driving across the country! More to come on that adventure!
The title of this blog is, "Keeping in the Sunlight" because it is a motto I try to live my life by. In college, when I was going through a rough time scholastically, I purchased a card at the university bookstore that had rays of sunshine on the front with the words "Keep in the Sunlight" in bold, black letters. I instantly bought it, and kept it on my bulletin board in my room ever since. I looked at that card every day, and it encouraged me to work through the difficult days, as well as the bright ones. It was a cheery card, with bold yellow and goldenrod colors on the front. I still have the card...hidden in a box somewhere in my closet. I no longer need it out in the open to look at daily since I have the image of the card in my head at all times. It is a great reminder of how I wish to live my life every day.
Hopefully you will find this blog inspiring, humorous, insightful, and interesting. I am excited to share my daily experiences with you...whether it is regarding Liam, my husband, work, or cooking dinner...whatever it may be...I hope you enjoy it! Today is overcast, gray, and rainy, but that's no excuse to not keep in the sunlight (KITS)!!!!
Jess
Liam is now 6 weeks old, and it is pure joy to watch him grow each day. He is still in newborn size diapers and clothes, so he is still little, but watching his brain development grow is what amazes me. It was such a milestone to see him smile for the first time (even though I am sure it was caused by gas...) he now smiles on cue. Granted, I turn into this bumbling wierdo, making faces, creating sounds that even I didn't know I was capable of making, and moving my hands all around his tiny body just to see his pudgy little face crack that 1000 watt smile, but it is so worth it! I have now figured out that in order to make him smile, it requires both facial expression and tone of voice. This morning was the first time that he cracked a huge grin when I peered into his bassinette. In addition to his smiles, he has made a habit of watching me with his eyes. It is so funny to watch him move those big blue eyes around the room to find me. And when he does finally find me, he instantly calms himself down and is silenced. It melts my heart!
All in all, life is wonderful! I am my happiest self at this time in my life. I have an amazing husband who is also my best friend. I have an amazing son that rocks my world everyday. I am able to be here, at home, and take care of my family and be the domestic goddess I have always wanted to be. Being a stay-at-home mom has been my dream job ever since I was a young girl, and now my dream has come true! I will have to return to work at the end of June, but that will allow me to have a solid 15 weeks off with Liam. In addition to my wonderful homestead situation, I have an amazing family as well. My parents live in Kansas and have been great resources, even from afar. My mother stayed with me for the first 2 weeks of Liam's existence on this earth, and I am not sure how I would have survived without her here. Due to the unlikely circumstance that I had to have a c-section because Liam was breech, I was not prepared to have had a "major surgery." I was unable to be on my feet and do much, and my mother was able to step in and help me out, since my husband had to return to work. My mother helped me establish a routine and assisted with laundry, cleaning, and cooking. What a blessing that was! When she left, my Grandmother stepped in, and was here for a week helping me out. Again, what a blessing it was to have her love and support. I have two sisters, both who are so special to me. My older sister is a labor and delivery nurse at the University of Kentucky hospital, and has been an invaluable resource. She was so knowledgeable of everything I experienced during my pregnancy, and was a great resource when my little man arrived. She lives an hour away, and Liam and I have enjoyed spending day dates with her. My younger sister lives 4 hours away in Akron, OH, and just had a little boy herself. Our sons are 3 weeks apart! It was wonderful to be pregnant with her, and now it's even more wonderful to be experiencing motherhood with her, especially since we are figuring everything out on our own! We have been foturnate enough to have spent the past few weekends together. I am so excited to embark on a roadtrip with my sisters in the next few weeks to visit my parents in Kansas. Nothing like 3 sisters and 2 infants in a car for 12 hours driving across the country! More to come on that adventure!
The title of this blog is, "Keeping in the Sunlight" because it is a motto I try to live my life by. In college, when I was going through a rough time scholastically, I purchased a card at the university bookstore that had rays of sunshine on the front with the words "Keep in the Sunlight" in bold, black letters. I instantly bought it, and kept it on my bulletin board in my room ever since. I looked at that card every day, and it encouraged me to work through the difficult days, as well as the bright ones. It was a cheery card, with bold yellow and goldenrod colors on the front. I still have the card...hidden in a box somewhere in my closet. I no longer need it out in the open to look at daily since I have the image of the card in my head at all times. It is a great reminder of how I wish to live my life every day.
Hopefully you will find this blog inspiring, humorous, insightful, and interesting. I am excited to share my daily experiences with you...whether it is regarding Liam, my husband, work, or cooking dinner...whatever it may be...I hope you enjoy it! Today is overcast, gray, and rainy, but that's no excuse to not keep in the sunlight (KITS)!!!!
Jess
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